Last week we were having dinner in a cosy restaurant in Tallinn. Sitting near us were an English speaking man and woman. The tables were arranged quite randomly, but I was facing the two of them while Sam had her back to them.
It’s human nature (feel free to disagree) to find other peoples’ conversation fascinating, often more so than your own. And so it was on this occasion with these fellow diners clearly in the midst of a disagreement. Ok, it wasn’t a full blown row, but they were expressing things about one another, things such as political views and personal tolerances, where the two of them were poles apart. The heated discussion didn’t abate throughout the whole evening.
We were too close to comment to one another, and even a raised eyebrow on my part received an accusing look from the woman, who sat almost facing me. We did however work out that they were not romantically linked, and eventually that they were brother and sister, who clearly had not spent a large part of their life together given their mutual surprise at each other’s views.
This heated discussion was conducted in a civil tone, and while both had got the other’s backs up, there was no nastiness or threat. More like listening to two political rivals. I have encountered situations where couples have been a lot more unpleasant, and in those cases the amusement soon turns to embarrassment. We once lived in an appartment above a couple who used to fight regularly and I had to call the police on several occasions when hearing one chasing the other around their home with a knife threatening to kill. Those moments are frightening, as I didn’t want to interfere yet knew something very serious was going on in our building.
So why the fascination in others’ disagreements? I guess on one level it’s part of our natural curiosity in other people (and what drives much of today’s TV). We see others raise their voices and we want to know why. Particularly as in the case of our dinner in Tallinn, we had no choice but to listen as they were so close to us. Maybe as a couple we take an interest in how others conduct their differences of opinion. After all, we all have those differences; it’s just that most of us will try to keep them hidden from public view.
Ultimately we are naturally curious creatures, and will listen in on others’ conversations if they sound interesting to us. Who has not travelled on a train and not heard something of interest from a mobile phone conversation that they haven’t passed on later? As long as the performing parties are not getting violent, then I say those who choose to conduct an argument in public are fair game for being viewed as entertainment by others.
Absolutely entertaining. Unless it gets so loud I can hardly hear myself!
Great post Andy!
Human behavior is quite interesting. I cannot say that I always find chaos itself entertaining, but often the psychological causes for the chaotic behavior itself I find interesting. However, I can find something intellectually interesting without being particularly entertained by it, if that makes sense.
I agree that some things move from entertainment to embarrassment quite rapidly, as in the case of couples arguing. I don't agree with the concept that others' conversations are naturally more interesting than my own. I think that may be because many conversations I hear in public lack substance but have an abundance of anger. This may be why I do not enjoy the Housewives shows or keep up with the Gosselins on TV.
Great post, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for your comments Keith and Trudy!
As you describe Trudy, the switch between a calm discussion and an argument can be almost instant, and in those cases it is alarming how people can lose awareness of their surroundings and treat a public space as though it were private.
Entertaining. It's part of why I enjoy watching The Amazing Race so much.
But I can imagine how it could be awkward if it were happening right in front of you.
This is one reason I like solo dining–I can people-watch and eavesdrop without offending a table-mate. lol
Disagreements may be entertaining to some, but I find them awkward and unpleasant. I would rather see Love and Happiness and people treating each other well.