“I would never let my children do that”. Something I have heard on more than one occasion when describing how I first travelled solo in Europe at the age of 17. My tales of hitch-hiking through the night, sleeping on benches in the stations and parks of Europe’s capitals and meeting the most unusual people may have been told with some (slight) embellishment, but the enthusiasm with which I delivered my stories was greeted with an “I better keep this irresponsible idiot away from my kids” stare.
These are the same parents who drive their 16 yr old kids the one mile to school “for their own safety”. Now from the outset, as a non-parent I cannot claim any authority on this topic. But I can have an opinion, and it is one which makes me wonder how these mollycoddled teenagers will ever be able or willing to explore the wider world around them.
I made many foolish decisions while backpacking. Oversleeping on trains and missing my stops, paying too much for a bed for the night, eating the wrong food and getting sick and even hanging around with people who I should have been able to identify as trouble. But here’s the best thing about solo travel as a teenager. I muddled my way out of those situations. Often I was lucky, sometimes I applied some of my extremely limited experience to help make a decision that got me out of trouble, and there were times when just moving on to the next stop left the problem behind.
Every time I learned. I learned how to spot trouble, how to weigh up the relative safety of a situation and how to extricate myself from a sticky situation before it got dangerous. I didn’t become an expert or a 100% safe traveller. But when I started university I had a self-confidence and a degree of street-wiseness that I simply wouldn’t have had if I had stayed under my parents’ protective wings for the summer.
I owe my parents a great deal of gratitude for the long leash they granted me. Limited to a phone call once a week from an unknown European city, my updates were always censored to only include the good bits and ensure that any hairy stories from the week before were not accidently blurted out. But that was enough for them to know I was safe and enjoying myself. Without that latitude to explore, make mistakes, learn and adapt in strange surroundings, I would not have learnt as much as I did about the world around me, about other people, and most of all about myself.
It is every parent’s priority to ensure the safety of their children, and I understand that there are bad people out there who you would want to keep your children from at any cost. But they lurk in our own neighbourhoods too, and all children grow up to be adults, and quickly so. If we deny them the chance to experience uncertainty, a degree of risk, and allow them to make their own decisions based on their experiences rather than our own, then how much are we really preparing them for the real world: a world that they will have to face soon enough, with or without our protection?
I was just talking along these lines the other night. I can really relate to this post having travelled solo in Hong Kong at age 18 and India at 19 and never actually making it to university at all. When I think of some of the things I did back then, my own fear would certainly stop me doing it now I am 31. I hope I don’t pass that fear on to my kids if I have them.
I have a couple of stories from those travels. Do you accept posts and stories from other travellers/writers?
Regards from Spain,
Sarah Spencer
Thanks for visiting Sarah, and for leaving your thoughts. I always welcome posts from others – drop me an email with your suggestions ([email protected]) and I’ll be delighted to post your story here. You must have had some great adventures travelling at that age, particularly in India. I look forward to reading about them. The fearlessness of youth is only temporary, and it’s great to be able to look back and shudder at the risks we took and got away with 🙂
I have traveled quite a bit solo especially after September 11th. I went on a Greek islands cruise at 26. At 27, I went to Brussels & Amsterdam on a river cruise. I’ve been to Las Vegas twixe and both times solo. This past May, I boarded a plane to Seattle for the weekend to see the Red Sox play. I tell people that I travel frequently solo and they just stare at me and say, “Wow! I could never do that.”
If I could pass on one piece of advice that I follow, is to know your surroundings and do your best not to be out at night. This for me was a cardinal rule when I was in Vegas. Don’t be afraid to explore the world. You only have so many years in this lifetime to do it!
~Melissa
This is a great article. I’m trained as a teacher, however have yet to step into the classroom because of the lack of freedom to explore new territory. I have a very strong passion for watching youth take risks, learn lessons, get out of their comfort zone (sometimes safety zone) and grow into amazing, confident and smart adults.
I myself love to travel and recently came back from 7 months of being on the road with my sister. I have found that often travelling in larger groups, as I did in university, got us into more trouble than when I have travelled solo or with one friend. Part of that is because safety in numbers, to me, creates a false sense of security. When you’re on your own or with one other person you become very aware of your senses, your intuition, your inner power at times as well as your compassionate heart. It also allows for a greater appreciation for the world we live in. I wouldn’t trade any of my travels in for a new experience, however, there is nothing like the solitude of sitting alone on the beach, or under the stars, or in a park full of people and really feeling what life is about.
Cheers!
Thanks for posting Melissa – I especially like your final sentence. Great advice.
Andy
It’s so true that in education (as in many other areas) there is such a fear of ligitation that the concept of allowing and even encouraging children to take risks and learn has disappeared. It can’t be a good thing that every single activity is assessed to the extent it is, in case the staff are sued by parents. How are young adults supposed to learn about the consequences of their own actions?
I agree that in a group the risks can be as great, if not greater, than for individuals. They are different, but the safety of a group depends on the ability of the group leader to manage a difficult situation. And that ability is not always better than your own.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Kelly
Andy
I completely agree with you. I backpacked solo on my first trip to Europe on a shoestring budget. I would trade that experience for nothing else. I am more wiser and think better on my feet now. I made some stupid mistakes but the confidence of handling weird/uncomfortable situations has given me great confidence.
I couldn’t agree more. At the age of 54, I strapped on a backpack and traveled the world solo for 6 months. Everyone thought I was crazy; everyone was fearful for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked “Weren’t you afraid?” The answer is NO. I use common sense and take moderate safety precautions (like never flashing cash and NEVER wearing jewelry when I travel, and checking that the windows in my hotel/hostel are locked every night), but traveling in fear precludes adventure and really getting to know a place. In the end, I believe most people are good folks, willing to help when they can. And this has been proven to me time and time again as I travel.
Agreed. When I took off to Europe at 19, my parents shared every imaginable disaster that could occur if I were to travel by myself. I went anyway and I think all of us learned something from it. Like Barbara, I have learned over the years as I’ve continued to travel that the world is full of kind and generous people. Today, I have less fear of the unknown and therefore I have an easier time adapting to change and taking risks. Fortunately, my family quickly became supportive and now they try to visit me on my travels as much as possible. Though, your point about overly-protective or “helicopter” parents is worrisome. I, too, wonder how this will affect those coming-of-age travel experiences.
@Barbara Yes, common sense is enough to avoid so many of the possible dangers on the road. Thanks for sharing your tips, and I absolutely agree that most people out there are good folks and will help you when needs be.
@Beverly Adapting to unknown circumstances is something I had to do while travelling as you say. I am so pleased I have been exposed to so many new situations and have no doubt it has helped me in my everyday life.
Thanks both for posting!
Timely post for me. My 21-year-old daughter is now traveling solo through Europe, and plans to visit Australia next. She promises me that she will join a group when going to Egypt and Turkey. Not sure about South America! I agree that we need to be smart and safe, but not sheltered from the world. (Am I totally relaxed not knowing where she is at any time? NO!)
Nicely said! I guess it’s quite hard for parents, but with having made that experience yourself, it should be possible… I guess I just would have to watch out, that I wouldn’t get along on the same trip with the kids… 😉
I spent many years from the age of 23-34 solo traveling around the world, and I completely agree that it creates a kind of self confidence that can’t be taught in schools. It is also an amazing life experience that you can’t get from books or teachers. Parents have to be able to let go of their children and allow them to experience life. People who say, “I will never let my child do that.” Need to loosen the reins and teach their kids how to look out for themselves with some common sense advice and then let go and let them fly.
I started to travel by myself to different places in the world when I was 15 (that’s almost half a century ago now:)) Looking back, I can sometimes feel a bit horrified about things I did and places I visited as a very young woman, all by myself. Even though things did “happen”, there was never anything serious. I also think about a close friend,who’s traveled all her life, mostly by herself, mostly hitchiking, on all continents without problems.
For many years now, I have traveled the world with my whole family, meeting with lots of different people and experiencing many different situations, resulting in my kids having a very positive attitude towards people from different countries and cultures.
I do think that the more you travel and meet people, the more you see that they are actually not so different from yourself. You feel more united than separated and I think this is one of the most important things with travel, to teach people not to be afraid of each other.
I do wonder if these days young people don’t get to experience a sort of rite of passage anymore. I know I was always looking for something like that but I think things like political correctness and over protective parents have put an end to it. Things like equality between males and females is important but I get the feeling it’s coming at a cost of gender identity to some degree. Travel is definitely a great way to learn about yourself and the world, it’s a great loss to everyone if we are to fearful of it to step out of the weird politicized culture that we’ve created.
Thankfully all parents are different. A friend of mine was encouraged to travel to north america on his own when he was 17 (we’re from England) which in my opinion is more dangerous than backpacking around south america 🙂
The Yanomami tribe allow young children to play with knives and to put themsleves in other what we might call ‘dangerous’ situations, because it teaches them responsibility for their own safety, and also how to hunt and survive. Encouraging ignorance and patronising kids is not going to create a generation of sucessful human beings.
“Encouraging ignorance and patronising kids is not going to create a generation of sucessful human beings”
Very true Kate, and maybe parents can cause more problems for their children later in life in the name of protection at a time when they should be experiencing new things and taking some risks. While all parents naturally want what is best for their children, maybe the media plays a part in creating a false picture of a dangerous world that is so different to the one we grew up in. That can only make it harder to give children the scope to experiment and take some risks to learn about the world.
I, too, went to Europe at 17 all by my lonesome. I’m so thankful my parents were cool enough to give me that long leash to let me work and live abroad.
In my opinion, it’s unwise NOT to travel. If anything this world needs more travelers to make it a better place. To become better people sometimes we must do the thing we think we cannot do. 🙂 If I ever have children, that’s something I will one day impart to them.
Great question to raise. I think about this all the time. Starting when I was a teenager, my parents gave me freedoms that would have them labeled as foolish or negligent now. I started traveling alone when I was about 20, getting in all kind of scrapes and strange situations and in the process having experiences that made me who I am. Now that I’m a parent, I have sympathy for my own, who had months of not knowing where in the world I was in the days before easy internet communication and more ample phone service. I hope I have the same trust and generosity towards my kids when it’s their turn to go–and I hope they have the same good luck I did!
Another conversation inspiring post!
I grew up in the suburbs of Long Island, New York, where most of my friends and many of their parents were afraid to travel to Manhattan, just a 45 minute train ride away. The first time I ever flew was right after college, and my first flight was trans-Atlantic to Italy. My parents waited with me at the gate (you could do that back then) until my flight boarded, and I’m certain that my mother burst into tears the second she lost sight of me.
It’s hard to believe that grew into a person that would travel around the world for a year. Many of my friends from high school think I’ve lost my mind and that I’ve done one of the most dangerous, stupid things imaginable.
Meanwhile I can’t imagine not traveling. The horror!
Thanks Nancy, Zoe and Lauren for visiting and sharing your thoughts.
I’m sure it can only be a positive when people travel in their teens and 20s that they will pass on the chance to experience the lessons they learned while travelling to their children. I don’t believe the world is fundementally any less safe that it was 20 years ago. In fact we could argue that improved communication and the ability to seek help from almost anywhere on the planet via our cell phones has made it safer.
As for being seen off at the boarding gate Lauren, it’s a shame how the post 9/11 world has taken so many of the pleasures of flying away. Friends mentioned to us last night how they were able to sit in the cockpit for landing on a European flight only 10 years ago. No chance these days. But as you suggest it must be a big step for parents to let go for the first time.
Thanks all for the great comments.
I started travelling on my own when I was 17 and I continue to do so – although age probably makes me more careful these days. I think that travelling alone is a great education for anyone and vital for self-development and understanding of the world. I agree with you Andy that the world is no more or less safe than it was 20 years ago. The advent of instant communication (mobiles, emails) rather than a call from a phonebox once in a blue moon makes it easy to stay in touch but I also think it loses something as well – you’re not truly immersed in the culture you’re in as your everyday life is at your fingertips. And these days, the backpacker routes are well trodden. One thing that I have found over the past few years is the anti-British feeling that exists in the world not to mention the anti-American feelings – I have American friends who say they are Canadian when they are travelling because of the abuse they’ve received in various countries. It startles me but given the times we live in and the awareness we have these days, I’ve never experienced or witnessed so much racism as I have done over the past few years. But I think that’s another issue.
We first traveled as a family when my son was 2. We went to Belize, and everyone told us he was too young to take to the 3rd world. He would get kidnapped. He get heatstroke. We would all get MALARIA and DIE. Come to find out, Belize is a crazy place, but not that crazy. We learned a lot, and we really grew to love it.
Now he’s 8, and we’re working on going around the world. We’ve lived in Canada, Germany and France. And I feel very confident that when he is older he will feel comfortable and safe traveling almost anywhere. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep him from traveling on his own someday, and i wouldn’t want to.
Good on you, Leighann. It sounds like your son is destined to be a traveller! It’s amazing how people will try to project their own fears about a situation onto others, despite them being often grounded in ignorance.
Kids are increasingly streetwise, something we too should acknowledge. That said, streetwise is a very different thing from worldly-wise. There really is no other way of learning than getting out there yourself. What is most important is the character of those people who pack up their gear and head off into the wilds. True, some younger travellers really aren’t prepared – but how could they be.
Can we help? Are there pearls of wisdom we can decant? Is their a guidebook, a PDF, an app we can recommend? No. But perhaps there is another, very useful Top Ten Travel Tips in the making here?
I will put it together, based on one tip each from Andy’s visitors if you like, we then release it together – digital food for thought. But one one condition: let us not patronise these adventurous souls, just be sources of information. After all, we all have things to learn.
Maybe there is a way to condense this information Mark. The posters here have so much first-hand experience that if this (and that of others) was pooled the result could be a list of valuable tips. Absolutely agree about not patronising – we need to think back to our own times and try and keep in mind the type of information we would listen to, and what would have been dismissed as irrelevant.
Happy to assist in any way in this list Mark.
Great post topic. My parents were very overprotective, which did instill some anxiety in be about all things, travel included. But at the end of the day my desire to see the world and explore and experience new things has outweighed any of that anxiety/fear.
And although I have made some less than intelligent decisions at times, as a whole, their overprotective nature has made me extremely aware of my surroundings, which has proven to be an asset in my travels.
That being said, they never prevented me from doing things that could be dangerous and they certainly wouldn’t drive me one mile to school “for my own safety.” I think it really depends on the parent and the child. They could grow up to rebel and travel the world. Or for that matter rebel by doing a number of things (either good or bad).
I believe strongly that one of the best things I can do as a parent is to let my children be free to explore at home and while we’re traveling outside the U.S.
We’ve traveled a lot since they were born, so they’re already pretty savvy travelers and I see them as more self-confident and independent than some of their peers because of this.
That said, I do find myself having to curtail my “free range kids” approach when I’m interacting with other parents in my kid’s schools. What I do is still not the norm in the U.S. middle-class.
We’re about to leave on a 14-month trip around the world – including traveling through Western China + Central Asia. You can follow along on my blog + read about how 2 typical American kids deal with this in real time if you like 🙂
I have heard time and time again how bandits and guerrillas are going to kidnap me when I’m in South America. I even had one guy tell me that he was Special Ops and said, “Don’t make me charter a plane down there to rescue you.” I would rather die than live in a sterile, boring environment.
I have a 3 year old niece that is not allowed to roughhouse whatsoever. How on earth is she going to learn what NOT to do if there is no trial and error. I’m not even allowed to give her a piggyback ride for fear that I will drop her and she will get hurt. I sit and wonder what type of person she will be when she grows up… will she live in a bubble?
I enjoyed reading your post. Reading about your adventures, I have a couple of comments now. When I was in college, I went with a group of people to Estonia. I had a blast, was in safe hands, and learned so much. However, it was a long way from home and I am sure it worried my parents.
With that said, your perspective does change as a parent. It all depends on the type of parent you are. Kids need the freedom to explore, learn, and make mistakes. However, that is sometimes easier said than done.
With that said, I actually would feel better about my son traveling in Europe on his own than I would the US. For numerous reasons, there is more crime, drugs, violence, etc in the US and seems there is much more to worry about.
You definitely raise some good points to ponder. As you get older and have kids, I would be curious how, if any, your perspective on this changes. However, you make a good argument for letting kids explore and learn. As parents, we need to do the best job we can so that when they get to that age where they can do so, they are well prepared in character and in decision making to explore and learn on their own.
Agree with you Jeremy that perspectives do change as a parent. Mind you, I’m in my 40s now and no plans to become a parent myself, so I guess my viewpoint will always remain based on a one-sided perspective.