This is a subject of much debate, and indeed an excellent piece this morning posted on Matador Abroad highlights some of the physical dangers, as well as the emotional toll, of being a racial outsider in certain societies.
Having travelled as much as possible with my wife, who is Indian, for the 20 years, I thought I’d take the time to share our experiences of being a mixed race couple in different parts of the world.
From the outset I will say that we have had it easy. We have experienced no physical abuse or threat of violence, and apart from a few choice words in a language that one of us has been able to understand, my feeling is that people we have met in the streets have been more interested in the colour of our money than our skin. Everywhere we have travelled, people ask Sam where she is from, and of course are never satisfied when the answer is Britain, and want to dig deeper. Even in India, we encountered far more polite curiosity than hostility. I do wonder how different it would be if I was a black/Asian male with a white woman. Others will be able to answer that, and I will leave it to them to share their stories here rather than speculate. Sincere thanks in advance to those who do.
Racism is there at some level in most societies, and the unwillingness to bring it out into the open has typically spared us awkward moments. I remember well a train trip I took alone through an undeveloped part of Poland in 1992. I was in a compartment with 6 people, including two sweet-looking old Polish ladies and a Nigerian student. We had been chatting away, me with the old ladies in my native Polish, and I also shared a few words with the student. The two women only looked at him with wide eyed curiosity, rather like a child seeing something for the first time. When he got off at his station, the women soon turned to each other and one said aloud with no hint of shame or humour “wasn’t he black! just like the devil!” I looked at her with a look of feigned respect and exclaimed in surprise “so you’ve seen the devil!!” The conversation soon changed to another subject thankfully. Was this nasty racism, or was this ignorance that is still rife within a largely homogenous society (very much the case across the Slavic world)? While it was probably the latter, it still left me feeling quite sad.
As a couple, the worst abuse we have suffered has actually been in England, where gangs of Pakistani youths have screamed some pretty nasty stuff at Sam in Urdu (which she understood).
In other countries she has often been mistaken for a native (in Romania she was mistaken for a Roma, in Peru for a Brazilian, in northern Canada for an indigenous Canadian and in Sri Lanka for a local). This has bred a friendly approach from people who have wanted to speak with her in another language.
My wife was reluctant to travel to the Middle East, and admittedly the amount of attention we received in the more remote parts of Syria was a little overwhelming (school kids crowding round, pointing and taking photos) but never unpleasant. While Syria is perfectly safe, I wouldn’t dream of travelling as a mixed race couple to Saudi Arabia and certain other parts of the Arabian peninsula.
In short, it will be different for each couple – Asians will be treated differently to blacks in different countries, and whether the man or woman is non-white will also have a large bearing on the reception. It is reassuring however that in most of the world, whatever the colour of your skin, as long as you have dollars in your pocket and are spending them locally people will be quite adept at hiding any prejudices.
Others experiences in travelling as a mixed race couple will be very welcome.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Great post.
You make an excellent point: "It is reassuring however that in most of the world, whatever the colour of your skin, as long as you have dollars in your pocket and are spending them locally people will be quite adept at hiding any prejudices." Funny how green/colour of money are colours that everyone accepts. 😉
I've noticed that in the States where I live versus while traveling: negative prejudices that is. For the most part, I have experienced more intense racist experiences while at home than abroad. So far, I have been treated like a novelty as a Black woman in a positive way, while traveling. Not sure if the positive treatment is based on negative stereotypes though. However, I have not been able to escape the negative sides of prejudice right here in the United States where I live.
I think the views are very interesting…how people perceive race that is. I have heard so many racist statements like what occurred on your train ride in Poland, but I hear them when I am home, not traveling abroad. However, I have not been to Europe yet, so I wonder if my reception will be as positive there as it has been in the other places I have traveled.
I travel with friends or sisters, so I have not experienced anything as a couple but your blog allowed me to see a glimpse of what it is like.
I look forward to future posts.
Hi Trudy,
Thanks for stopping by and more sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it!
It's fascinating to read about your experiences in the US, and sad to hear that the prejudices still persist. I lived in NYC for a year and was surprised how, although there were so many ethnic groups within the city, they seemed wholly segregated. I remember Chinese friends telling us of the abuse they received when viewing properties in "an Italian area", and how each part of the suburbs was clearly demarcated as belonging to one group. Lots of little countries rather than a melting pot as some would have us believe. But I hope things are improving, however slowly, with each decade and each new generation.
Europe has changed over the years, and while a Black woman may be a novelty in parts of eastern Europe, within the EU you will probably feel at least as safe and comfortable as you would in coastal US cities.
Thanks again for your comments
Andy
My husband and I are awaiting the day when we’re confronted regarding our mixed race status. I’m mixed/Hispanic and he is white. While we are protected by the awesomeness of Austin, Texas, I can’t say the same about my hometown El Paso.
The only issues that we have come across is the blatant disregard and respect of our union. I know when we were traveling around Japan I basically got the stink eye from many girls on the trains, walking downtown, etc. I don’t think necessarily because I’m Hispanic, but probably because they didn’t know what to make of us as a couple. We’ll see how it goes while backpacking through South America.
Thanks for sharing Erica. I’m really surprised by your experience in Japan. We’ll bear that in mind when we go there. South America was ok for us; I hope you find the same.
Andy,
As for Japan, keep in mind that white, American guys are prime over there. Its like the English accent in the U.S. 😛
Erica
Andy,
I remember seeing this post awhile back but I can’t remember why I didn’t leave a message! Well, I’m glad you brought it to my attention again!
My boyfriend is a white Brit and I’m Asian-American. We’ve traveled all over Asia in 2010 and like you and Sam, didn’t really experience any major violence and animosity. Unfortunately, we did run into a lot of harassment in northern India with the locals because of our relationship. During my time in India, I was quite tan, which (apparently) made me look Nepalese. A lot of the local men mistook me for a Nepalese prostitute (I was walking around with a white man) and I was groped on the streets and buses. One man even went so far as to ask Matt, my boyfriend, how much I cost!
You can imagine how Matt’s reaction might have been.
Luckily for me, none of those situations were dangerous. Just very, VERY uncomfortable. It made me not want to walk outside!
For times like these, you just have to be the bigger person, chalk it up to ignorance and just walk away from the situation.
Wow, your experience in India sounds horrendous. I can imagine the rage both you and Matt felt. You put it well in your final sentence – the best thing to do in these cases is to walk away and hope that even if it’s too late for some of these older folk, that at least their kids may grow up in a more enlightened world. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences Connie.
Hey Andy,
Hope it’s not too late for me to weigh in on the subject. I am a black female and my husband is a blond, blue eyed, boy next door. We’ve been married for 16 years (wow, yes I was 12 when we got together, lol!) and we can’t really remember any major prejudice that stands out.
Anyway, we’ve traveled extensively through Europe and, I just asked him to confirm, we haven’t EVER noticed any blatant racism directed towards us. (He mentioned that maybe we were just too thick to get it.) He did point out that, while in London, there seemed to be a distinct backlash against African blacks. We didn’t see it directed towards me, other American, or Jamaican blacks, so it may have been an immigration issue, not that there was any excuse for it.
Here in southern California, we’ve had one or two incidents but they were all from military black men from the south, which is ironic as one of them was with a white woman as he was spewing nasty remarks at me for being with my husband!!
We get the odd glance or double take from older couples when we visit my family in Virginia but when they see how charming we are, we quickly win them over.